Call me Crazy...

Ok so at this moment,  I am working at World of Beauty for Deric's sister and I'm realizing how much I MISS working. Not that being a stay at home mom isn't working (because as any mom knows, there are multiple job titles that are required to be fulfilled on a daily basis), but I miss the "Leslie" part of it. I miss getting ready for the day knowing that I'm going to see and interact with someone older than a 4 year old, for more than 30 seconds.. I like feeling like I contribute to something, as small as it may be. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom! I do. I just struggle with it more than alot of women. I have always been that way. I enjoy getting outside of the home and maybe I'm a "bad mom" but I love when I have the opportunity to get away from my kids....even if it's just for a bit. But on the other hand, I love when I have been away and come home to toothy grins, slobbery faces and messy fingers. There is something about those chubby cheeks and silly grins that makes my heart melt.

Am I alone in having depressing feelings when my 4 year old proclaims through tear filled eyes "Mom, you used to read to me before bed and now you don't do ANYTHING!" or the ever proclaimed thoughts of a 2 year old, "Mom! I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!" as he slams the bedroom door because you made him turn of the TV (one can only handle 'Big, Big Friend' so many times)? I feel like this is my constant demise at the moment, at least for the past few weeks. The sinking feeling comes that "you just aren't good enough." or "you really aren't a good mom". Especially when you catch yourself muttering curse words under your breath because you swear you taught your children NOT to behave that way in public and you just can't brush aside all the glares and muttered disapproval thoughts being thrown at you. Yep. That's me. Or that was me a few hours ago when I was stuffing my face with peanut butter oreos and redvines. (which if you've seen my fb posts recently, you would know that's been a staple in my diet recently-which just adds to the 'overweight' dilemma (sigh...post for another day)) Anyway, this was me...until now. At this particular moment, because for the past 2.98 hours (yes that's right, I have a few minutes left) I have been me. Really me. Leslie.. Not Kyler, Bryson, & Ryker's mom, not Deric's wife, not even just a "Winterton" as I'm known in the Basin. But me. I feel revived, rejuvenated and refreshed!

So now that I have this uttermost renewal of life... I will close shop and drive home to my awaiting 3 hooligans and hubby who are probably starving because we are currently out of mac and cheese, top ramen, milk, eggs, bread AND cheese. What else is there left to cook with right?