Little stinker...

So the last couple of weeks, Kyler has had a pretty sore bum. He will get diaper rash, it will go away then come back the next day. Unfortunately today was a REALLY bad day! Last week, I let him run around naked (it's supposed to help) and he loved it! He peed in my pantry-luckily it wasn't on the carpet. WHEW! Missed that one by like an inch! Anyway, this morning I thought I would try the whole comando thing again with him.. within 5 minutes I hear Deric say, "Um... Babe, we have a problem! Good luck with that!" and he starts laughing. I hear Kyler grunting and I know. I think "oh crap!" (literally). That's right-Kyler POOPED on my carpet! He hid behind a chair and went to the bathroom right in front of my front door! Deric had an early morning meeting and he was late, so needless to say,he had to leave. Kyler got tossed into the tub and all is good now... not so sure he will ever have that free feeling again!

Going Private!

Yes, it's true, we are going private! We have had some people we don't know put inappropriate comments on our blog-therefore we are going private! Please e-mail me at leslie_winterton@hotmail.com or leave me a comment with your e-mail so I can add you to view our blog! Thanks!

I love my little man...

I just have to post and say how much I love my little man. He is getting to be so much fun and I LOVE it! He is really learning to talk, a few of the words he can say are: mama, daddy, book,cup, CAR (his favorite!), hi, bye, up, more, wood, etc. He, as of yet, has not learned the magic word of "NO" (now watch he'll learn it this week). We are thankful for that, although he has learned to throw tantrums-not as bad as most kids though. He LOVES to play tag around the house with anyone who will and he loves to eat snacks-trying to get him to eat a meal is a different story. He loves to go for walks (that is, walk by himself) and play outside. He has really started to be able to recognize people's emotions and react to them. He loves to look outside the window and wave at everyone. He now recognizes when he goes to the bathroom, cause he tugs at his diaper, runs into his room and brings a diaper and wipes to you. He has learned to tickle and loves to do that too! He has a favorite pair of cowboy boots that are WAY too big that he HAS to wear every day, he has really mastered how to walk in them and it is quite a hoot to watch him. He is growing so fast, I can hardly believe it! Oh how I love this little guy!

Okay...

Today was a hard day. It was hard to go back to work. I had to explain why I'm not "getting fat" (according to one of my 2nd graders) anymore. They don't really understand. I feel content. Life is good. I'm lucky and blessed-truly I am. I'm going to be okay, but I REALLY need a girls night! Anyone interested?!?!

D&C Surgery

We went to meet with my doctor yesterday morning. My appointment was at 8:30. Get there, check in, find out my doctor doesn't come in until 9. It's 9:20 before he finally comes to see us. After talking with him, we feel even more reassured that this is right-the fact that we just lost our baby. It's not our fault, it happens more than we realized. After talking to him about a D&C and passing the baby naturally, he seemed more pro-natural whereas the doctor on Friday seemed more pro-D&C. Either way, Deric and I decided to go ahead with the surgery. We just felt it was best for us. So we went and got lab work done(I hate needles) and were on our way until 11 when we could check in to surgery. We called our Aflac insurance and our agent told us that they would probably pay $250 for the surgery-which is 1/2 our deductible for our other insurance. Which is a HUGE blessing right now!



I didn't want to just go home and wait, so I went to Naomi's shop to visit with her. Kyler and I hung out there for a little over an hour before Deric came and picked us up so we could go drop Kyler off at my cousin's house(he takes naps there). Mind you, this whole time I couldn't eat or drink anything so I haven't had ANYTHING since the night before-needless to say, I was hungry.



We checked in to surgery, waiting 30 minutes, got asked more questions, sent back to the waiting room. Waited until about 3, got taken back. Had to change into the robe, get an IV, wait some more.



Guy who knocks you out (haha can't spell the profession) came, spoke with us, explained everything. Waited some more. And waited and waited until finally Dr. Williams came and talked to us for like 2 minutes.



Wheeled into the room for surgery, got given the gas, put on oxygen mask-out in like 15 seconds. Wake up 40 minutes later with a massive sore throat (thats from the breathing tube) and really groggy. Go back to recovery-wait until I can keep some liquid down and go to the bathroom without throwing up.



I'm feeling pretty good now. Doctor Williams comes in, explains that it was a good thing we did the surgery-apparently I had alot more bleeding and debris in my uterus than normal so it would have been VERY painful and VERY long to pass everything on my own naturally. Makes us feel better about our decision.



Finally get out of the hospital and home around 4:30-take a shower, lie down, send Deric to get Kyler and FOOD! I was starving! It had been almost 24 hours since I had eaten anything! Call mom, reassure her everything is good. Begin the recovery process.

Today I am feeling pretty good-just worn out, tired, and sore. My throat kills and I have a fat lip (no idea why). But overall, I'm doing really well considering. I feel more blessed than anything right now. Blessed to have the spirit with me and Deric, blessed to know this is how it's supposed to be, blessed to know we made the right decision and blessed to know that I'm going to be okay. we should be able to try to get pregnant again in 3 months, which really isn't that long. I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks. The bleeding and cramping has decreased immensely and for that I am extremely grateful. I'm grateful to have family and friends who have offered their support and love. I wouldn't have made it through this without them.

I'm glad that I had the surgery, i know it will be tight on our finances, but I'm glad we did it. I am feeling more confident and strong about this whole situation all ready. I still wish I never had to go through this, it doesn't make things any easier to have lost a baby, but I know it's right. Everything will be okay.

Gone back to our Heavenly Father...

Most of you already know what this post is all about, but I think I need to write it for my own good.-to get my emotions out and to vent a little. Please keep in mind as you read this, that I'm writing this for myself. I don't want to offend anyone, I don't want to complain, but I'm going to I'm sure.

When Deric and I found out we were expecting baby number 2, we were SO excited! We have always wanted to have our children close together and Kyler and this new baby were expected to be about 22 months apart-perfect timing in our mind. We felt so blessed to have this in our life. I wasn't nearly as sick as I was with Kyler and I felt like this pregnancy was going to be a lot easier than the previous one. Everything was going good, the doctor liked what he was seeing until.....

On Friday, as I was running out the door to go to work, I needed to use the bathroom (I hate using the ones at the school). I was so shocked and surprised to see that I was spotting-alot. I called my doctor and left a message for his nurse to see if I needed to come in or not. Then I called Deric. At this point, I was completely freaked out, positive that something wasn't right. I called my friend Emily whom I work with and explained to her that I probably wouldn't be coming in to work today. Then I called the doctor's office again (luckily during all this, Kyler was asleep-cause I was a wreck!) and spoke to the receptionist. She told me to come in at 2. This was two hours away and I didn't know what to do for that whole time. Deric came home to be with me because I was so scared. Before we went to the doctor, Deric gave me a blessing and I knew. I knew what the outcome was going to be. I could feel it, but I didn't want to believe it. Deric and I just kept talking about baby names and what we would do if they put me on bedrest. To help pass the time, cause I was driving myself crazy thinking about everything, we watched a movie.

Then the time to leave came. My emotions were a little bit calmer, but I still was so anxious. We dropped Kyler off at Naomi's shop and headed over.

When we got to the hospital, I found out that my doctor wasn't in and that I was going to be seeing a different doctor. Ok, I guess. Nothing I can really do about that, let's just get this figured out. While we were waiting, we met with the insurance lady on how we were going to be paying for this baby. The average cost to have a baby is $10,000. Thank goodness for insurance!! At this point, I felt reassured that everything was going to be okay. Finally, our turn to go back came.

Then the dreaded pee in a cup situation-I hate that. But today I didn't care, I wanted answers-quick! We spoke to the doctor, told him what was going on. I was bleeding-no cramping, 10 almost 11 weeks along.

We went to get an ultrasound-doctor couldnt see anything because my bladder was too empty-ordered a vaginal ultrasound. Went to a imagining and scheduled there. Waited again. At this point, we couldn't decide if no news was good or bad news. The entire time I'm going through all this, I just keep praying, pleading with my Father in Heaven to let everything be ok. I love this baby-it is mine, it is growing inside of me. I have already felt the connection. Everything HAS to be alright!

We go to get the 2nd ultrasound, lab tech informs us, she is going to try a regular ultrasound to see if she can see what she needs to see-no need for a vaginal unltrasound if she can do it that way. She talks to us, asks how sure we are on our dates and continues to look at my baby. That's my baby. Up there on the screen, I can see it. It's my little one. My love is complete for this being. Everything is going to be okay, I can tell.This is lasting a little while, she's not saying much, what's going on? She tells me to come with her and meet the doctor. His nurse directs us to another exam room.

We wait again. This time, when the doctor came in, the look on his face said it all. He doesn't beat around the bush, doesn't try to sugar coat things, just tells us flat out that they couldn't find a heartbeat. I had lost my baby. My little one. The one I just saw on the screen during the ultrasound-is not alive anymore.

I am in shock, I burst into tears and can hardly speak. That's not what he was supposed to say, that is MY baby. What happened? What went wrong? Why is my body getting rid of my baby? The doctor tells us that there is nothing that we could have done to cause this, something was wrong with the baby and my body could tell, so it did what it had to do. I now have a decision, I can pass the baby naturally or go and have a D&C to get it removed by surgery. It would be extremely painful and long to pass the baby naturally. I can't think straight. I don't want to make that decision. Everything was supposed to be okay. I felt it. I felt Heavenly Father tell me everything was going to be okay. There's some mistake, my baby is fine.

We leave the doctor's office and I feel numb. I can't do anything but cry and hold on to Deric. We schedule an appointment with my regular doctor for Monday morning. I don't understand-what happened? Why? I already love this baby, how can it be gone?

As we get into the car, I completely break down. There is nothing I can do. Deric drives stunned to our house. We call Naomi-we won't be picking up Kyler for a little while. Call the parents. Have to break the news. I can't get the words out, Deric has to do it. I keep sobbing, constantly sobbing, pleading with my Father for this to not be true.

The rest of the story is simply that I haven't been able to stop crying for 2 days. I have finally come to terms with it though. I know it's right. I feel it's right. We are most likely going to have the surgery. I don't want a constant reminder of our loss for months to come. (it could take that long to pass the baby naturally). The surgery will make it so we can try to get pregnant sooner. It costs alot. Money is tight right now. But we feel it's right. We'll wait until Monday to make the final decision.

There are some major things that I have learned from this experience. I have learned I'm SO grateful for Him... for my savior. He is by my side through all of this. He hears my feelings, my thoughts, my pleadings. He knows how I feel like no one else can.

I have learned that I'm grateful for this man... the man who is by my side completley in all of this, who when I can't sleep at night because I ache for my baby to be okay, he strokes my hand and tells me that he loves me.

I'm grateful that Deric and I were married in the temple and have the knowledge of eternal families. We will see our baby again.

If nothing else, this experience has made me so much more grateful for this little guy. He is my joy. I love him so completely, so much, I can't even express it. This amazing child, has such a sweet spirit, that no one can comprehend. This child comes to be and gives me "loves" when I cry. Who smiles and says "Mama-book" because he wants to read. He wants to be with me. He knows I'm struggling, and he wants to make it better. He loves me too.

Now, I realize that even though I had a miscarriage, I am lucky and grateful to have had it happen this early in my pregnancy-enough people have reminded me of that. Yes, I'm grateful that I didn't lose a child that I had already given birth to or that was fully matured. But I still lost a child. I still feel like my heart has been ripped out. I still miss this baby. I still want this baby to be mine completely. I still love this baby more than anything. I wish people could understand that.

I don't expect people to understand what I'm going through. I feel like it's my fault. This is all my fault. I keep getting reminded that it's not, but the guilt is still there. I don't want to see anyone but family and close friends. The ones who truly care. The ones who will just let me cry, just let me get it out. I want to sleep-I'm so exhausted, emotionally and physically. It's starting to really hurt. The bleeding is still minimal, but the cramping has begun. I dont want to go through this. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I don't want to explain to everyone. I shouldn't have told people we were expecting this early. The next 9 months are going to be hard. All my sisters and sisters-in-law are expecting. How can I see them, see their belly's grow, see them prepare for their new babies and not feel like I'm missing mine? How can I do this? Life will go on, I'm sure, but I want to just skip pass this phase of life. I know my Heavenly Father is here.I can feel him, but I still feel incomplete without this baby. I look at baby blankets, shoes, rattles, the whole work and every little thing makes me break down. I feel jealous of those who are having babies, who are expecting. I want to be too. This will all be okay, it will pass. I know.

Keep thinking positive-keep thinking positive, you have others who care about you and who will help you through. You will have another child, you will. The timing is off, that's all. Maybe your baby needed some more instruction before coming down. Maybe he/she just wasn't prepared. Maybe you weren't prepared for 2 children. Maybe something is coming up you need to accomplish, maybe you need to go through this to relate to others later on. Everything WILL be okay. I WILL BE OKAY. I am strong, I have been through a lot before, this will make me stronger. I will make it. I will. There is no other option. Deric needs me, Kyler needs me. I need me.

I have had so many people express their love and sympathy to our family and for that I am so grateful. Thank you to all who has really be there for us. For those who have made me feel guilty for mourning-I don't care about you. I know myself, I know what I need to do. I will be stronger for this.

A day for lovers

Well for anyone that is interested-my date went GREAT with Deric! It turned out perfect other than the fact, he really had nothing to do from 4-6 so I just had to kick him out of the house and he went and hung out with his sister. So he knew something was definitely up, but that's okay! :) He was still surprised. I gave him a present with every course of the meal and he loved it! I didn't get him anything spendy and nothing big, it was kind of nice to be creative and try and think of something I could give him that was more sentimental instead of something that will end up in a closet! and the best part is-Deric LOVED it! He told me he appreciated the gifts more than anything! Well, I was going to take pictures of the romantic set-up I did, but my camera's broken-surprise, surprise huh? Well anyway... it turned out great and we had a fun weekend in Holden with my family! We were able to spend time with all of them to celebrate my Dad's birthday and it was awesome! I learned how to make "yummy" fondant (if you've ever tasted regular cake fondant, it's not that tasty) well I more or less got told how to make it. My sister's did a great job in making a b-day cake for my neice Oakley-it turned out really cute and tasted pretty good! Anyway, hope all is well with everyone! Here's to a productive week!!!

Photographer

So I had some people ask me about Deric's brother, Terrell, who took Kyler's picture. He lives in Orem and all his information is listed on his blog-so check it out!! The link is posted on my last post about Kyler's 1-year pictures!

1-year!

Okay so Kyler is actually 15 months now (which has flown by completely) but I figured it was time I posted his 1-year pictures! We are so lucky to have a photographer in the family! :) Deric's brother, Terrell, is trying to launch himself into the photography business as well as sketching! He is so good at what he does and everytime I see his latest work, it amazes me! You should check out his blog http://terrellsart.blogspot.com/ Anyway, he's the one who took Kyler's pictures and I think they turned out great! We weren't very smart and we kinda took them late at night when Kyler was hungry so he wasn't very cooperative, but it just goes to show what a great photographer Terrell is! It's amazing to me that he got so many good shots out of our cranky boy! Anyway... here are some pictures! P.S. None of them havebeen edited!

I got it!

So I decided what i'm going to do for Deric for V-day! But shhhh it's a secret so don't say anything to him! I'm trying to keep it all a secret, so hopefully it works! Well because we're leaving town Saturday, I decided to do everything on Friday. The only thing I don't know quite yet is how I'm going to keep him out of the house on Friday since he doesn't work. But I'll figure that out later! It took me long enough to figure this out! haha anyway, I'm going to make him this really cute "love" note inviting him to a really "hot" date at our house at 6 on Friday night. I'm going to attach hot tamales or red hots or some sort of hot candy to the note. I'll leave it for him at work on Thursday sometime. Then I'll take Kyler to his mom's to babysit him, run home and prepare a good dinner. I'm going to set up our house all romantic with candles, sparkling cider, soft music, etc and have it all lit up and ready when he walks in the door at 6. Then for dessert, we will have chocolate dipped strawberries. These next two ideas I got from the Love Actually Blog but I'm going to make him another cheesy love note out of those yucky conversation hearts and then cut out my own hearts with coupons on them to fill in the empty candy box and give him both of those. Pretty clever huh? :) That's all I got for now!

Rigattoni Casserole-YUM!

So last night, I was trying to decide what to make for dinner. I had hamburger I needed to use and I needed something easy and that wouldn't take a long time. I called my mom and she reminded me of this casserole. I LOVE it! Here's the recipe in case anyone wants to try it out!

For a 9X13 pan

Ingredients:
Full container cottage cheese
2 eggs
1 cup sour cream
noodles of your choice (we prefer penne)
1 big can of spaghetti sauce
2 small cans of tomato sauce
hamburger
chopped onions (optional)
shredded cheese
sliced olives

Mix cottage cheese, eggs, and sour cream in bowl. Set aside.
Make noodles-undercook them just a little bit as they will cook in the oven more later.
Brown hamburger and onions then add spaghetti sauce and tomato sauce (use only one can tomato sauce if your spaghetti sauce is enough)
Begin layering ingredients.
Place about 1/3 of your sauce/hamburger mix on bottom of pan
Follow with sprinkling on noodles
then cottage cheese mix
sprinkle with shredded cheese
Continue layering until finished
Top with shredded cheese
Top with sliced olives
Bake at 350 for about 30-35 minutes until cheese on top is slightly bubbling and melted
Let stand 5 minutes before enjoying-this is important! It will help things set up a little.
ENJOY!!


It's so yummy and way easy!

Valentine's Ideas

So apparently, I AM A SLACKER! I realize that Valentine's Day is this weekend and I've been thinking about it for a while. Deric and I decided we weren't going to do anything big because of money, but I have to do SOMETHING and I have absolutely NO idea! We're leaving for Holden Saturday morning so I have to do something Friday night or something I can easily hide and take with me. Any ideas? I've been reading on a blog (Love Actually) and it's got some great ideas but none of them have really struck me! I need help! Please! :)

Guest Blog-GREAT!

Hello to all of Leslie’s blog readers! My name is Bliss Stinson and I actually went to school with Leslie at Snow College. She is an amazing woman as you all probably know. She is a loyal friend, a wonderful wife and mom, and an amazing leader. I am so grateful to know her. Well you are probably wondering why this post is on her blog! Well, for my job I write health and fitness blogs and articles for different companies. I am loving it completely! In fact I have such a passion for it that I would like to share some things that I have learned with those that I care about. I chose to post a guest post on Leslie’s blog because I know that she cares about her body and her health and I am sure that all of you moms out there do. Don’t we all? Whether it is maintaining that nice figure, trying to lose that baby weight, keeping up with your little ones, or simply trying to live a healthy lifestyle while you are pregnant- we all know that it can be hard. It definitely takes work and effort. However, it honestly can be easier than we make it out to be. We simply need to realign ourselves away from the views and teachings of society and learn more about our body. You see our body has ph levels in our blood, which can range from being alkaline to neutral to acidic. The acid in our body is what fosters degenerative and autoimmune diseases. It can impair major systems in our body such as our organs, digestive tracks, skin integrity, and repair from injury. Now you may ask, “how do we become acidic?” The answer to that is – “by what you eat.” The saying is true, you are what you eat. There are different foods that have an alkaline effect on our body and other foods that have an acidic effect on our body. For instance milk, cheese, sugar, saturated fats, chocolate, beef, and cashews have an acidic effect on our bodies. Food such as avocados, oranges, spinach, almonds, olive oil and watermelon all have an alkaline effect on our body. It has been proven that when we are in a neutral or more alkaline state, our body has more energy, we have better athletic and mental performance and we reduce the risk of serious diseases. All you have to do is incorporate more alkaline foods in your diet. You should simply be eating 60-80% of alkaline foods. How easy is it to add better foods to your diet instead of doing completely outrageous fad diets that leave you unhappy and starved? You can still have that daily acidic food that you love as long as it stays in the 20% range of your diet. It’s a different concept that takes some time to soak in and understand. If you want to test your ph levels to see whether or not you are acidic, you can buy ph test strips in some grocery stores as well as online. If you want to learn more, I challenge you to go to www.phteststrip.net to find out more information so you can become a better more capable woman who is ready to conquer any challenge before her- ESPECIALLY weightloss. Let’s get goin girls!