Bitter-sweet

This post may seem rather... um.. what's the word? pointless? to some of you. But it's not to me and so I'm going to write it-after all, this is my journal per say. :) Tomorrow is the due date of the baby I miscarried back in February. I think it's easier to deal with at the present time because I'm expecting again. But with all the recent happenings in our family as of late (especially) I just can't help but think about that baby and wonder. I'm so grateful that we have eternal families and that I will be able to raise that child someday. I definitely feel like the Lord knows what's best for us. Although it's still sad to think about losing a baby-I can't imagine how much harder it would be right now to have a baby this week after losing a baby in the family earlier this week. I guess all I'm saying is that as a mother, you never forget a child. Whether you gave birth, they die later on or not at all, or if you miscarry early in a pregnancy or later. I still feel like I have a connection to the baby that I lost. I still feel like I'm going to be a mother of 3 per say :) And I think that's ok. I think it's okay for me to think about that baby especially this week. The Lord knows what's best for us-in that I have no doubt-he loves us and really is watching out for us no matter how hard life might seem. Although I was only 12 weeks when I lost my baby, I had felt him/her kick and move inside of me and that was hard to deal with. It was hard, but it could have been harder. I look right now at my sister-in-law and my friend who have recently had to give birth and then bury their little ones. I cannot imagine. I can't not believe what strength and love they show to others. I truly look up to them and their example. Not once have I heard them complain about getting asked to go through that child on this earth. I know there are lots of people in the world that lose a baby and it's really not that uncommon. I just ache for all those mothers especially who go through it-I think mothers have a special connection to their children.

I know this was long and sort of random, but I was just writing out my thoughts as they came. To my little one waiting for me on the other side: I love you and can't wait to meet you!! :)