And so it continues...

And so it continues... the bedrest that is... only more so now. I was doing/feeling pretty decent for the last few weeks and OBVIOUSLY doing more than I was supposed to. This past weekend, I told Deric I was worried for my doctor appointment on Monday because I felt like I had dillated (before my cervix was starting to soften, but no dillation yet) and sure enough, yesterday, the dr confirmed it. I am almost dilated to a 2 which is no good cause I'm only 30 weeks. Now, yes, I do know that women stay at a certain dilation or whatever for weeks on end, however, my case is a little different. I have NEVER stayed at a dilation for more than a week and where I'm only 30 weeks and have been having contractions for quite some time, the dr is pretty sure that now that I'm started, my body won't stop.

So... I went to labor and delivery and got monitored for a while yesterday to make sure I wasn't in active labor and then was sent home with STRICT orders to be down. 2 small kiddos... doesn't equal great down time.

My dr predicted that I will be having this baby in Salt Lake. I'm determined to prove him wrong. I have to make it to 35 weeks to have the baby here in town. On Jan 2 I will be 35 weeks exactly. We are trying hard to make it to that date. But honestly, I'm scared. Oh so freakin scared. My contractions are getting worse and I can feel my body changing (if you've had a baby, you'll understand that part). I'm SO done with being pregnant, but not because it's way too early for our little Ryker to make his debut. If I can't get my body to slow down, the dr said he will not hesitate to send me to the city to be on bedrest there. Part of me thinks that would be great-in the sense that I would be forced to stay down which would hopefully mean Ryker would bake a little longer. The other part of me is so terrified because I don't want to leave my family and let's be honest, I am often afraid of the unknown.

Deric thinks we should send our boys to day care or arrange sitters for most of the day. It breaks my heart to think I can't take care of them. I'm not ready to submit to that quite yet. We are going through this week by week, day by day. With my history in this area, my dr is extremely concerned and we are terrified. I'm trying to have faith that my Heavenly Father will guide and assist our family as we need him to. I just want to have control! Plus, this is the craziest, busiest time of the year-for EVERYONE. We have been SO blessed to have people in our ward family and our other friends to bring us meals and offer to watch our kiddos on occasion. And i honestly don't know what I do without Deric's parents. They come and help me every Monday night when Deric is in class and then when he has class every other Tuesday, they come and take them for a few hours while Deric is gone. Serious blessings here people. I'm SO blessed. And in all of this, I have had to learn to accept help and assistance because honestly, it's not just for me. This is for my family and for this new baby we are trying to bring into the world. But it's still hard. I've never been too good at accepting help.

Anyway, lots of random things here... just keep us in prayers please! More for comfort than anything. I'm just so dang paranoid and nervous!